i always question myself if i am a good example of christ, a good christian, a good example.
but i guess not....


today's quiet time spoke to me.
Leviticus 18:11-19


I shall make it a point to not gossip! :)

I thank God that people believe in me.

but i think it has turn into a kind a burden for me, like i have to live up to expectations.

its just so hard that i dont think i can do it anymore.

I dont wanna live a life full of expectations,

but i cant.

Having a Coke with You

is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne
or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona
partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian
partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt
partly because of the fluorescent orange tulips around the birches
partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary
it is hard to believe when I’m with you that there can be anything as still
as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it
in the warm New York 4 o’clock light we are drifting back and forth
between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles

and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint
you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them

I look
at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world
except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it’s in the Frick
which thank heavens you haven’t gone to yet so we can go together the first time
and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism
just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or
at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me
and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them
when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank
or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn’t pick the rider as carefully
as the horse

it seems they were all cheated of some marvelous experience
which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I am telling you about it

Frank O’Hara

Just leave!

No you cant

Why not?

Because you cant just give up like that

Im not giving up

Then?

I'm just choosing whats best in my life

Is it? or are you just choosing the easy way out?

I dont know...

you sure you know whats best for yourself?

i dont know i just want to leave

you're disappointing your loved ones

no, im not. they are supportive of my decision

you're giving up, you wasted so much money this year why cant you continue on

i dont trust my own ability

trust God

Im trying, i think he's asking me to leave

How do you know? maybe he wants you to try for another year

I've always been living up to expectations, my expectations.

I was so blinded by my own expectations that I have never really knew what I want.

So blinded that all i see is a blur now.

I dont know where to go, how to go.

Time is ticking away and I'm still at the same spot,

when can i set off?

I always believe everything happens for a reason.

Well, God made it happen for a reason.

God brought me to Innova, as much as i dont like the school and i hate going to school, i love my friends. Friends that make school much better and easier.

God is good.

Thank You Lord :)

wassup

m here to share a song.

and do check out this awesome photographer JingSuan showed me,

TOMMY GA-KEN WAN :)