These past 2 years have been a rollercoaster ride of emotions. There were so many things that happened and thank God, I was able to make it through all the times. I have lost, gain, cried, hate and loved. But there’s just one thing that I have yet to learn, which is to control overwhelming emotions. Its not something I hate but definitely something I would wish to learn how to take control. I cried when I saw how my grandfather struggled on the hospital bed, I cried when I heard the doctor said “ Your family has to be mentally prepared, I don’t think he has many days left”, I cried when I received a call from my aunt announcing my grandfather’s death, I cried when I saw him lying in the coffin, I cried when I heard the song ‘Fix You’ for a few days and I teared when I received a condolence/are you ok text. I wouldn’t say allowing myself to succumb to my emotions is a sign of weakness, but rather, courage. I have learnt to love and cherish the people I love. I knew it from the moment I saw my grandfather in the coffin. I took a peep inside and saw his sunken cheeks with eyes shut closed and my heart sank immediately.Before I knew it, my eyes were soaked with tears. I begin tearing and said to my mother who I was hugging closely, “ He doesn’t look like himself.” As I said that, it somehow seem like as if I’m telling myself that he is really died. I begin tearing up more as my mind took me into a land of infinity thoughts. I wondered what was he thinking the last few minutes before he died. Did he want us to be with him? Did he want to say something to us? The thought of him all by himself on the bed and catching his last breath was so hard for me to accept. I felt that he was defeated by time, and so was I. But I knew it was good for him to go. He was obviously suffering and unwilling to share his pains or any of his thoughts. Or is it that he just cant remember them? Thinking back, I think God gave him more time to live than we could ever asked for. It all happened in 2011 when we knew he suffered what most eldery people do, Dementia. His body begin to weaken drastically after a fall which caused his brain to suffer from internal bleeding. He was in coma for a week or so. When he regain his consciousness, he was unable to eat and then when he could, he was unwilling. Not only until we found out a secret, he only wanted to eat unhealthier food. When we fed him fries, hashbrown and ice lemon tea instead of bread,rice or water, he willingly gave in to a few mouths. When he was discharged, things became worse when his memory failed him every single day. He throws tantrum in a minute and forgets it the next. But I will never forget the face when our family sang his favourite hokkien christian song, Hold My Hands. He was happy. He was himself, the child of God. And when I received the phone call on 24 Nov, 4.30am, he left this temporary home of 80 years and went up to be with God. For this, I am happy. Let love conquer all hate.